First Day

‘’Right, this is it. Can’t believe I managed to line up my notice in my old job with the start of this one. At least I won’t be out of pocket. 

It’s great I can become a completely new man in this new job… What am I saying I’m still going to be the same prick. 

Jaysus I can never get my hair right I swear to god sometimes I just want to shave the whole bloody thing off, it wrecks my head. At least I don’t have to buy any new clothes, sure the ones I had from the old place will be grand.

Wonder if I’m giving myself enough time, two hours should be plenty but ya never know with the poxy buses if they’re going to show up or just disappear into the air never to be seen again. 

Sound for the breakfast Ma, I’m gonna hit the road I’ll give you a ring and tell ya how I got on. Swear - I’d be lost without her.

Ahhh no… Bleedin’ rain! I never have a bleedin’ brolly either jaysus I’ll be soaked. Better go back and get a jacket with a hood. My hair is going to be in bits jesus this is just my luck. 

Ma where did ya put my jacket for jaysus sake! 

Sorry I’m a fecking eejit I forgot I left it in the kitchen last night, don’t mind me…

The hood never sits right on me either jesus, its either blowing off my head or draped over my eyes ya just can’t win. 

Right! Made it to the stop anyway, I’ll down this coffee now before the bus comes or it’ll be thrown over some woman with her pram on this poxy bus. 

These things are always chop-a-block aswell, you’d have a better chance for the Euromillions than getting a seat during rush hour on these buses. Some fecker is eating poxy sausage rolls on this aswell the reek of dodgy sausage is turning my stomach.

Thank feck I’m off that thing. Right where is this place now? I’m assuming it’s this copy+paste office building… Ah your man at reception looks a right prick.

What’s the story man? 

Ahh yeah no lad yeah don’t worry I’m not a prick haha!

Ahh yeah pal no hassle second floor yeah? No worries man chat to ya again!

Ahhh jaysus he was a mad bastard. Worst part is now he’s expecting that same energy everytime I see the fecker…

Right he said to go up to the second floor and go to the corner office, I swear if he was taking the piss I’ll be raging. 

The worst part about this is the poxy office being at the far side of the floor I’m walking past everyone and they all smell the fresh meat off me, at least no one looks a prick anyway.

Ahh what way do I knock on this door now, don’t want to startle the fecking boss on my first day there’ll be no coming back from it.. Right here goes nothing, JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR YA BLEEDING CLOW…. Ahhhh how are ya doing nice to meet ya it’s my first day today.